8:59 Ben Affleck makes TRIPLE SURE to thank Canada!
8:58: ARGOLD! That has to be the headline tomorrow somewhere, right?
8:48 Meryl Streep just cheated and peeked at the Envelope early! Daniel Day-Lewis takes the stage, where he belongs.
8:47 You have to admit, this was a hell of a year for the Best Actor category, especially when you consider that John Hawkes' incredible work in The Sessions wasn't even nominated.
8:44 JENNIFER LAWRENCE wins Best Actress for SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK. I thought she gave the best female performance of the year. Interestingly enough, Twitter (via Sasha) tells me that she didn't thank Harvey Weinstein. Uh oh...
8:41 I predicted three months ago that the scene where Jessica Chastain chews out Kyle Chandler would be her Oscar clip. Lo and behold...
8:35 Aaron argues that "Spielberg is the Tom Brady to Ang Lee's Eli Manning." Lee drops the 'Namaste,' knowing full-well that no one else can pull it off.
8:34 ANG LEE!!!
8:32 Steven Spielberg needs to win Best Director here for LINCOLN to have a shot at winning Best Picture.
8:27 I may have passed on JUNO once upon a time, but as soon as I read DJANGO UNCHAINED, I knew it was going to make a great movie. My man Quentin Tarantino wins Best Original Screenplay... again!
8:24 Chris Terrio wins Best Adapted Screenplay for ARGO. I'm totally okay with this. He researched the hell out of that movie. My friend thinks he looks like Stifler.
8:22 Charlize Theron is gorgeous. That is all.
8:12 More music, this tune from TED courtesy of Norah Jones. And Sasha correctly points out, we still have the closing number with Chenoweth.
8:11 The uniquely-named Mychael Danna wins Best Score for LIFE OF PI, as predicted. Really nice guy who has handled the 6-month-long press tour well thanks to publicist Jeff Sanderson. His score was excellent. And now for Best Song...
8:01 Marvin Hamlisch appears to close it out, leading to a classy Barbra Streisand number. Not bad...
8:00 This year took great writers Nora Ephron and Frank Pierson, director Tony Scott and cinematographer Harris Savides. Bummer.
7:58 In Memoriam. I'm baking cookies and I'm still sad. Michael Clarke Duncan and Adam Yauch. Too young...
7:51 LINCOLN pulls off a surprise win for Production Design!
7:47 Pretty smart of producers to put DJANGO UNCHAINED clip later in the Oscar broadcast when there are fewer younger viewers.
7:39 Mic drop.
7:36 Skyfall is such a great fucking song. Can't wait for it to win an Oscar within the hour... And screw the haters, Adele is sexy and has an incredible voice.
7:33 William Golenberg wins Best Editing for Argo, as expected. And now the tables begin to turn...
7:25 Anne's manager Suzan Bymel and publicist Stephen Huvane get shout-outs. I really like Team Hathaway.
7:24 Can we get a little emotion here? This looks pretty damn rehearsed... Anne says she "looks up to" all of her competitors... as she looks down on them from the winner's circle.
7:23 ANNE HATHAWAY wins Best Supporting Actress. "It came true." Oh boy...
7:22 Wait, Helen Hunt wore clothes in THE SESSIONS?
7:21 Cue the waterworks...
7:16 Think of the 2-minute wait while Skyfall had to listen to Zero Dark Thirty's speech. CRAZY!
7:14 'You've got a 'berg' on the end of your name, Mark.' Secret synagogue meetings. The old 'Jews run Hollywood' joke! Whoa, A TIE! Insane....
7:13 LES MISERABLES wins Best Sound Mixing, as predicted. Sometimes, you've gotta trust the experts, i.e., the people who knows the difference between Sound Mixing and Sound Editing. I think I finally learned it this year.
7:11 Ted begging for the location of the VIP Hollywood sex party. Wahlberg admits it's at Jack Nicholson's house. Nice bit. Glad this must-see duo is being used for the kinda boring sound awards.
7:09 Sci-tech awards announcement means intermission.
7:05 Has the entire cast of a movie ever been onstage at the Oscars if it doesn't win Best Picture?
7:04 Everyone singing seems really bored. I hope they're getting a cut of the soundtrack sales...
7:02 Anne Hathaway is dreaming dreams onstage. Her name is already IN THE ENVELOPE!
7:01 What the hell happened to Wolverine's claws?
7:00 Jack Nicholson is like, 'REALLY? We're standing for THIS?'
6:57 I'm sorry, but this Tribute To Musicals is taking way too long and boring the hell out of me. Dreamgirls time, really?
6:55 I don't get why we're watching Catherine Zeta-Jones sing a song from CHICAGO. What does this have to do with this year? Zadan and Meron could stand to take it down a notch...
6:51 Michael Haneke's drama AMOUR wins Best Foreign Language Film. Director proves to be just as weird as everyone here imagined.
6:44 SEARCHING FOR SUGAR MAN wins Best Documentary! Congrats to Rodriguez and Sony Pictures Classics!
6:42 After a funny but kind of awkward joke about the Kardashians looking like Ben Affleck, he emerges from backstage (hence no earlier cutaway) 'I actually thought the
show was going pretty well (until the joke)... but
I'm sure you'll turn it around.'
6:40 Seth jokes that the man who really got into Lincoln's head was John Wilkes Booth. Sasha asks, "Too soon?" I thought it landed with a thud and was a little too easy and Family Guy-ish.
6:39 Another third of the Best Picture montage, and the producers actually get it right by pairing the historical dramas together. Zero Dark Thirty is clearly the best film and gets a proper backdrop with haunting, classy score, while Argo is set to a bluesy rock 'n roll song. This leads to a brief but interesting discussion about why Zero Dark Thirty was better than Argo.
6:37 Is Liam Neeson even American?
6:35 Sean Fine & Andrea Nix's INOCENTE wins Best Documentary Short, which I ALSO predicted. I am putting some of the REAL pundits to shame. Watch me miss the next three categories...
6:34 The short films categories make or break Oscar pools. CURFEW wins Best Narrative Short, which I predicted. This guy seems like a real romantic...
6:21 A very predictable ceremony so far. Waltz was technically the frontrunner according to Vegas, so no surprises yet.
6:19: Anna Karenina's JACQUELINE DURRAN gives a VERY efficient speech for Best Costume Design. LES MISERABLES for the makeup & hairstyling win. I really liked the work
done in HITCHCOCK but I acknowledge that a lot of people didn't...
6:12 I'm really happy for the team at Fox, which took years developing the project, and it was time well-spent. They took a risk and hit a home run.
6:11 As expected, LIFE OF PI wins Best Visual Effects. Orchestra playing off the winners with music from JAWS. The Academy cuts his microphone! Crazy...
6:10 Overheard: "There are motherfucking tigers on this motherfucking boat!"
6:07 CLAUDIO MIRANDA wins for shooting the hell out of LIFE OF PI. I may have had a problem with the ending but that movie looked incredible, particularly in 3D. Can't say it's not well deserved...
6:06: The Avengers UNITE! Is Mark Ruffalo in FOXCATCHER mode? My lady friend didn't recognize him.
6:03 I like this montage of Best Picture nominees. Speeds things up... Quevenzhane Wallis is ADORABLE.
5:59 PAPERMAN wins Best Animated Short! Yay! Moments later, Pixar wins AGAIN for BRAVE. Happy for co-director Brenda Chapman, who fought quite the battle, but I was hoping something (anything!) else would win.
5:56 People (Rex Reed, Jeff Wells, etc.) will say what they will about Melissa McCarthy, but she's funny, even if this bit with Paul Rudd kinda bombed. But dug what they were doing at first but it went sour fast and a quiet crowd didn't help.
5:51 CHRISTOPH WALTZ wins Best Supporting Actor for the 2nd time after working with Quentin Tarantino. De Niro looks a little disappointed. Publicist Lisa Kasteler gets a shout-out!
5:46 More singing, drawing minor complaints from the audience in my apartment. Let's get this AWARD show started!
5:44 Ain't that cute? A 'Flying Nun' joke for the kids. Sketch ends with Seth making out with Sally Field. Easy there, Aunt May... who still looks pretty good for her age.
5:41 A puppet show. "Hey, you want some drugs? Yay!" An inspired little aside. Shatner urging Seth to "keep it classy." More singing and dancing... I guess there's only so much you can do onstage at the Oscars.
5:38 Seth sings "We Saw Your Boobs." Naomi Watts looks mortified. Kate Winslet's list goes on and on, including "whatever you're shooting right now." Sophomoric but funny since he keeps it about the movies.
5:37 William Shatner beams himself up on the stage. Wishes Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were hosting...
5:35 Seth MacFarlane killing it with "This Is 90" and Jodie Foster begging for her privacy in front of a billion people. He was a smart, edgy choice to host and I think he's going to deliver tonight. The challenge will be keeping the show moving...
5:10 p.m. There's plenty to snark about on the red carpet, but I'll stick to the merits of the actual show. Back in 20 minutes if this thing starts on time...